Hi, I’m Allie!
I’m a somatic sex and intimacy coach in Portland, Maine. I work with individuals + couples to build safety and connection in their bodies – and help them have more fun, pleasure, and play in their lives!
I’ve been interested in sex and pleasure since I was young – intrigued by the warm tingly sensations that would arise when I saw movies or read books that alluded to sex (you know what I mean ;)).
But sex hasn’t always been a place of empowerment for me. For years, I approached sex as something I had to do to be loved, rather than something I wanted to do. I had sex when I didn’t really want to or didn’t feel ready, and it was often painful and unpleasant. Plus, it rarely got me the real connection I craved.
Of course, I didn’t realize I was doing any of that. Until I did.
It took a string of bad breakups for me to realize that I was trying to be as easy to love as possible – not being myself or bringing my true feelings to the table. It wasn’t an exact ‘a ha’ moment, but a progression – learning about my anxious attachment style, seeing patterns that led to relationships not working out, realizing why romantic relationships were such a struggle for me.
It wasn’t just that I had a ‘broken picker’, but it was how *I* was showing up that wasn’t working. I didn’t have the skills to express myself in a way that was real and true.
Deep down I was so afraid of abandonment that I didn’t feel safe to have feelings, boundaries, or needs. I was worried that if I did, people would see who I really was (needy, too much, sometimes insecure, imperfect) and leave. So I disconnected from the deeper messages coming from my body.
And coming back into myself, into my body, was the beginning of this work.
It took noticing, I’m having a feeling right now. What is that?
It took acknowledging the empty, zoned out feeling when I didn’t really like something, even though I thought that I should.
It took finding safety in feeling.
*That’s* what I feel passionate about helping people do.
(P.S. If you want to read more about my story + why I became a sex and intimacy coach, you can read a blog post about my personal progression here!)
Certifications + Experience
Who the hell am I to weigh in on your sex life and relationships?
I’m a:
Certified (recovering) Yoga Teacher (since 2011)
Certified Holistic Health Coach (since 2014)
Certified-Somatica® Sex and Relationship Coach (since 2021)
I also have a master’s degree in education.
By 2018 I’d fully drunk the coolaid of the yoga and wellness community. I’d channeled all my people-pleasing, high performing, perfectionist, results-driven patterns into yoga, holistic health and running my wellness business, and was – to be blunt – burned the fuck out.
But of course, I couldn't be burnt out! I did yoga! I taught wellness! I was fine!
Except I very much wasn’t.
It took me until 2020 to realize there was still a big piece missing in the teachings I’d immersed myself in. A piece I needed before I could experience true richness and connection in my life.
Recognizing this gap is what led me down a path to exploring parts of myself I’d shoved down. Parts that were messy and sensitive and needy and inconsistent and hedonistic – yet as worthy of love and expression as the polished, high-achieving, confident parts that had gotten me validation for so long.
And it was actually exposing these more vulnerable parts that was the key to getting me the intimacy I longed for.
Now that I’m out of the wellness daze, I can look back and see that a lot of what I learned in that chapter was valuable. Things like how to sit through discomfort, the importance of breath, how to bring empathy into working 1:1 with people. My experience in yoga and holistic health has shaped a lot of who I’ve become.
But I’ve added the other piece now – the piece that doesn’t care about goals or productivity, but more about feeling good in and about myself.
So. We won’t do yoga in our sessions together. We won’t track your wellness goals. But we will center your pleasure and desires and work up to being vulnerable with each other (and we might also do some breathwork together :)).
My Philosophy: *nothing’s* sexier than
feeling safe in yourself
In all the work I’ve done and skills I’ve studied, it’s a sense of safety – in the body, in feeling, in connection – that is the thread through all of it.
Looking back at the breakups that started the ball rolling for me, I can see that what I was really looking for was love. Validation. Connection. Safety.
Same with the certifications I pursued – I thought if I could get stronger, stretchier, healthier, zen-ier, self-care-ier, I could be deserving of feeling good in my body.
Now, with the advantage of hindsight, I can see that it’s really always been about safety for me. And it’s also about safety for my clients.
Growing up, most of us weren’t taught how to recognize feelings or sensations in our body. Or how to communicate our true feelings and boundaries and needs to another person.
As kids, we’re told when we’re cold. When we’re hungry. When we’re sleepy. We learn to gauge our parents’ (and eventually our partners’) reactions to what we say and do, and adjust accordingly to not be abandoned for being too much.
But the type of safety I talk about and work with is only ever – ultimately – something that’s found in our own bodies. Not in our heads. Not outside of us.*
What was missing for me in my relationships wasn’t that I hadn’t found the right person. It was that I’d lost touch with myself.
What burnt me out in yoga and wellness wasn’t that getting strong is bad or that self-care isn’t worth it. It was that I was still skipping over my feelings and looking to external sources for internal security.
Now I get to work with that missing piece. Working with people to come back to their own bodies and notice how they’re feeling (not what they’re thinking. Not what they think they *should* be feeling). To allow those feelings and experiences to be there, rather than making them go away or over-analyzing them.
And these skills aren’t just great for sex (although they’re *definitely* great for sex). They’re great for being in a hard conversation. Expressing your true feelings to someone. Taking care of yourself. Just being yourself.
Of all the skills you can bring to the bedroom, feeling safe in yourself is the sexiest. It’s the root of self-intimacy, and what allows you to have the deepest intimacy with others.
If that sounds in line with something you’d like to explore…
If you suspect that that level of safety within yourself is missing…
Let’s have a conversation.
*Please know I’m not suggesting that safety isn’t also an OUTSIDE factor based on your surroundings, relationships, etc. It’s just that that level of safety is not the main focus of this work.
Off the clock you’ll find me…
🏕️ Climbing mountains, backpacking and camping with my love Ryan
💃🏼 Dancing salsa, bachata, ballet…or just twirling around in the kitchen
🎿 Backcountry or downhill skiing (all over but mostly in Jay, VT)
🌊 Swimming in the ocean in Maine (summertime only – I’m not much of a cold plunger, but never say never!)
🌳 Meditating against a tree, barefoot, face pointed up to the sun (yep, nature is my church)
🍵 Sipping matcha lattes
😉 Dressing up and roleplaying (the kinky kind — nope not into Dungeons and Dragons)
🌹 Binging romantic reality TV (it’s research right?)
✍🏻 Writing morning pages, non-fiction, poetry
🐈 Admiring my tabby cat Bindi who is absolute perfection
👶 Figuring out how to be a mom!
Instagram (@iamallieandrews)
