Top Mistakes People Make When Giving Pleasure
I'm always amazed by how many people don't speak up about what they like and don't like during sex. But I also get it because this was me for a long time...
Too scared to outright say what I wanted. Worried about hurting my lover's ego. Not sure what to ask for instead. Or I'd gone along with something too long and felt embarrassed to say that I actually didn't like it.
Because these things too often go unspoken, I decided to do a little research about the top mistakes people say their lovers make while pleasuring them. I polled a facebook group I'm in and here's what I learned. Note that the focus is on heterosexual couples.
Top mistakes men/people with penises say women make while pleasuring them:
Too much teeth
Not using enough saliva/lube
Not enough eye contact
Treat it likes it’s a chore - not enough passion/enthusiasm
Too fast - it's not a race!
Not enough attention to the tip/frenulum
Not enough attention to the balls
Not doing it at all or enough
Not going deep enough
Treating it like a piece of meat
Not doing it long enough
No rhythm
No sound/dirty talk
Not communicating/asking what I like
Top mistakes women/people with vulvas say men make while giving them pleasure:
Inconsistent - changing it up right when it gets good
Spiky facial hair and sensitive skin don’t mix! - it’s painful and distracting
Going too fast/rushing - I need more than 2 mins
Too hard or fast on the clitoris
Thinking he knows exactly what I want but won’t listen to me telling him
Using a poking or jack hammer motion with the fingers or tongue
Not knowing where the clitoris is - thinking the side of the lip is the clitoris
Starting out too rough
Dry rubbing my clitoris
Choking me to the point I can’t breathe
Not knowing how to pay attention to women’s bodies and cues
Not enough foreplay - going straight for the vagina without attending to other erogenous zones first
Thinking their penis is enough pleasure and that since they’ve “been around” they know what I like
Staying in one spot too long, rubbing it raw
Giving up
Finishing before us
Twisting, yanking, pulling or pinching my nipples
The truth is, everyone is different — some people would prefer eye contact, others would want to have their eyes closed, some like pain, other’s don’t, and people are sensitive in different places — so if you really want to know what your lover likes, ask them to show you!
About the Author: Allie Andrews
Allie Andrews is a somatic sex and intimacy coach in Portland, Maine. She works with individuals + couples to build safety and connection in their bodies – and help them have more fun, pleasure, and play in their lives!
Click here to go to the About page and learn more about Allie.
